Uncertainty in the D

Here it is – the end of law school classes. I’m not jumping the gun here because 5 finals still stand between me and graduation, but at the end of this seemingly long, sleep-deprived journey, I had to post something new. Uncertainty. Unless you have a knack for predicting the future, I’m sure you’ve faced this before. And for me, well, I let myself worry a bit too much about this. You can’t plan life; and often when you do, life usually laughs right back at you and throws a nice curve ball to mix up your plan. So naturally, I give you my next blog entry – Uncertainty in the D. I hope you enjoy it.

And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.

Unlike most, if not all, of my previous posts, I’ll devote a little more of this one to law school, simply because it is finally coming to an end. First, I take you back to late August of 2011. I walked into my Contracts class with Professor Barnhizer. I had read that he had gone to Harvard Law, would kick you out of class if you didn’t know the answer when you were called on, and he sported the craziest looking mustache I’ve ever seen. Holy uncertainty and constant state of fear sitting there. Well, 3 years later, as I sit outside the law building, I’m still alive.. Or at least I think I am. I know that I have somehow perfected the art of doing 6 million things along with law school, but I wouldn’t recommend it (unless you have an addiction to caffeine, making to-do lists, and are morally opposed to naps). Just as I began law school with feelings of uncertainty, those feelings have not only remained with me, but have exponentially increased the closer I have come to being done.

Now, if you’re unaware of the process, I’ll give a quick explanation of the very tedious (and expensive) task of just applying to take the bar exam. It was January of this year - “You should probably start filling out your application for where you’d like to take the July Bar.” Uhhhhh, excuse me? Are you speaking to me? That’s 7 months away. I don’t even know where the girls’ basketball games are this week. So the feelings of uncertainty kicked into high gear. HELP. I battled so much questioning of where I should apply. Where would I be happy? Where would I most likely find a job, and where would I find a job I actually like? Where do I want to live for however many years to come? Do I want to give up coaching? Do I want to be in a new city? Do I want to be on the East Coast? The West Coast? Stay in the Midwest? What about any reciprocity? What about being able to golf? Finding a new Crossfit box? A new place to live? Am I able to move away from my friends and family again? And finally, my biggest question of them all, do I want to look at this as a completely brand new start to the next chapter of my life? SOMEONE JUST TELL ME! Well, as is often the case in life, there were no answers to my questions. Thus, more uncertainty arose.

I venture to say that we all face dilemmas like this in one form or another. New jobs, new cities, new friends, new relationships, leaving old memories behind in order to make new ones. Pursuing bigger and better things for yourself takes courage to face this uncertainty. So to anyone who can relate to this, not just law students, but anyone, I’ll tell you what I continue to try and tell myself – to let life happen. Make your decisions, stick with them, and trust that what you have chosen is best for you. Then hopefully, those feelings of uncertainty will fade away, and the new steps you take in life will bring clarity to the fog that uncertainty can bring. And with that, I have 9 days until law school is done.

Never give up.

The 2014 Crossfit Open ended a few weeks ago. My opinion on that - thank sweet baby Jesus. “Constantly varied.” That’s part of how Crossfit is often described. Well, last I checked, constantly varied is indicative of uncertainty. My Open experience last year compared to this year was quite, for lack of a more clever way to say it, constantly varied. And I’ll be the first to say that the Open got the best of me this year. Disappointment, frustration, sadness - all feelings that lasted the whole stupid month with those five workouts. I tried my best each week, did each WOD twice, worked as hard as my body physically could, and yet.. Nope, not good enough. Those old feelings coming back to haunt me. Uncertainty. I remember walking through the law building one of the weeks, anticipating whatever Castro would reveal the WOD to be that night, and all of a sudden thinking, “NONE OF YOU LAW STUDENTS HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE OPEN EVEN IS.” Then again, I did, in fact, induce those feelings of stress from the uncertainty on myself. I have a tendency to do that.

Before the Open even started, I was uncertain of how it would go. Throughout the month, I saw it bring out the best in some people and the worst in others. But I won’t take the negative path discussing this topic, I’ll point out the positives (a new thing I’m trying here). So as I said, the Open did bring out the best in some people. Scores that were posted by individuals I knew on top of the leaderboard were truly impressive, most of whom are now bound for Regionals. They were scores and times that I know I would never be able to hit. I’m really not exaggerating, they were honestly so impressive. These individuals took the uncertainty they knew the Open would ultimately bring, prepared for it every second they could from last year leading up to this year, and overcame it. Whatever WOD was thrown at them, they rose above it. So to you all who did so, I commend you. And, aside from the Open, no matter what uncertainty Crossfit may throw at you, never, ever give up.

Your next shot doesn’t remember your last shot.

One month. One more month until my golf qualifiers start. How do I continue to prepare between now and then? Be ready for the uncertainty of what you cannot control, and be confident about aspects of the game that you can control. Golf is full of uncertainty. In any given tournament, you can’t control where the officials decide to set the pins, what yardage the course will play, what the weather will be like, what the wind will do once you hit the ball, what the strength of the playing field will be like. But what you can do is overcome these obstacles - accept them, and overcome them. Avoid excuses, I hate people who make excuses, and play to whatever strengths you have on that particular day. Golf is a sport where there will be days where every aspect of your game will click – your putts will fall, bounces will be in your favor, your drives will be long and straight, your approach shots will be like lasers at the pins. It is uncertain when those days for you will be, but between us, I sure hope I’ve got some of those coming up next month when these qualifiers start again. And I wish all you golfers that read this the best of luck that you have some of those days soon too. It’s what makes this crazy game worth coming back to for more.

You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

I’ll make this entry relatively shorter than my usual ones (also because, unfortunately, I still do have studying ahead of me). And since I haven’t discussed Detroit yet, it’s about that time. Detroit’s future is uncertain, simple as that. The city itself is making changes, I also won’t deny that; but, it will still be a matter of time until the D can redefine itself. The outcome of these positive movements people are making towards bettering Detroit remains uncertain at this point in time, yet all that we can do is keep moving forward. And, alas, that’s all we can often do in life as well. Just keep moving forward.

I’ll tie religion into this a bit as well. My wonderful friend Marie has told me that all God wants is for you to be the best version of yourself. The decisions we make amidst the unknown should always be based on what will make you a better person, a better version of who you once were. Surround yourself with people who make you better, while also making them better along the way. And with a life that is constantly full of uncertainties, that is all we can do. We may never know the answer to questions we ask. Why did this happen, why did I fail, why did this not work out, why did this friendship or relationship fall apart, why didn’t I make it, why didn’t I get the job, why did I get rejected? Which leads me back to a quote I used before – LET LIFE HAPPEN.

Trust is a huge factor in handling the never-ending uncertainty. So trust that, in the long run, what may trouble you now will work itself out in the future. Trust and faith can be sources of serenity to alleviate the anxiety that uncertainty can bring. And that is what I continue to try and do. So to lighten this up a bit, if there was ever something that will always be certain, it’s that my Red Wings make the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And here my boys are again – 23 years in a row. So bring home that Cup Detroit, it belongs back with us. And that, my friends, I have always been certain about.