Trust in the D

 “You are here. Today. In this place with a story that is unique to you. Each of us has a story that is unfolding, chapter by chapter, page by page. The chapters are sometimes thrilling and adventurous, occasionally dark and difficult, at times mundane and dull, perhaps both beautiful and messy all at once. Your story is important, because you have something to tell, something you’ve walked through, something you’ve longed for, something true. Right now, the place you’re in, that dot on the map, is real. And your story matters.”

Hello from the chilly winter of Detroit and yet another one of my ramblings. Tonight I write to you on Trust in the D. Some say trust is something only earned and never freely given. It is a core virtue in many different aspects of one’s attitude towards life, and that is the type of trust I’ll focus on here – to trust that you are where you are meant to be, to trust things happen for a reason (as cliché as that phrase is), to trust in life’s path, life’s journey, to trust one another, to trust yourself, to trust God’s plan for you. And in terms of my city – to trust in where Detroit is going, to trust that the efforts and passions people bring here will grow from a mere spark into a brilliant fire of a reborn metropolis, unique in every way it has grown from the ashes. But as with so many things, it is all part of a process – a process we must trust.

“Detroit’s kind of always been bubbling under the surface, and I kind of like it that way.”

I met with a colleague for coffee a few months back, and having worked in Detroit as a tax attorney for many years, he began to tell me about what it was like Downtown about 15-20 years ago. “A tumbleweed literally blew across Woodward one time,” he said. A TUMBLEWEED. In what used to be a booming city. Now if trust hasn’t played a role in the process of Detroit’s “urban resurgence” per se, improving from its deserted tumbleweed days, then I don’t know what has. At that low “tumbleweed blowing in the wind” point for Detroit, the city and those who believed in its potential held onto that trust. And we must all do the same – to trust things will improve and be better than you ever thought they could be before, with whatever it is you are working towards in your life. And you can choose to disagree, choose to take the cynical approach, the negative outlook (which, believe me, I am guilty of doing too much), but where will that get us? It certainly will not help with our hope for and trust in the future. And in case you were wondering, tumbleweeds are no longer blowing across Woodward Ave…

“The national narrative of Detroit shifted to the new ‘It’ city, defining Rust Belt revitalism and ‘gritty’ from the ashes rebirth.”

Having now lived in Detroit for a year and a half, I’ve been lucky enough to see many developments take shape. In fact, the new Red Wings (AND Pistons) arena actually looks like an ARENA now rather than the bare steel skeleton it was when I moved Downtown. New apartments. New lofts. New offices. New parks. New light rail. New restaurants. New shops. New buildings that I don’t even know what they will be yet. Some days, I can’t keep up. Each time I see a group of friends or a family walking Detroit’s streets, my heart smiles. I have been told by friends from out of town that when they come to Detroit, they feel a sense of energy. There is that sense of excitement in knowing the city is still on the verge of something great. This process has not happened overnight. It has taken that element of trust in believing the city could make the comeback that it has. I will admit, there have been days recently where I’ve questioned if I’m in the right place in my life, if I belong here, despite my love for my city. But this is where trust comes back into play – trusting in letting life happen. Trusting in this process. I am sure some questioned if Detroit’s comeback would be as successful as it has been… and with that trust they kept in their efforts, dedication, investments, and hard work, progress continued to be made towards such a better version of Detroit compared to what it used to be. And I urge you to come Downtown to see it for yourselves.

“You run and run, mile after mile, and you never quite know why. You tell yourself that you’re running toward some goal, chasing some rush, but really you run because the alternative, stopping, scares you to death… Just keep going, whatever comes, just don’t stop.”

I am notorious for not knowing how to slow down, and I believe Phil Knight’s quote above is the perfect illustration of that. Fitness. I always address fitness in my posts. Trust – for whatever you’re working towards, be it a higher level of CrossFit (yes, 5 years later, I’m still doing that “crazy workout” thing), a marathon PR or just to get back to a healthier version of yourself, you have to trust whatever process you’re embarking on. There will be highs, there will be lows, but what you must keep at the forefront of your goals is trust. Trust that your programming or your coach or simply your dedication will make you stronger, faster, healthier. At the end of the day, you and only you are responsible and accountable for trusting in yourself, trusting in your abilities and trusting that you can do it, that you can lift those numbers, that you can follow that nutrition plan, that you can run that distance, that you can stay committed and that you can succeed. Excuses cannot be a factor. We are all tired, we are all busy, we are all stressed in our own unique ways. Anything worth working towards is not meant to come easily – so keep trusting, keep pushing, and as I wrote above – just don’t stop. In the long run (pun intended), you will be glad you did.

“For this game you need, above all things, a tranquil frame of mind.”

Harry Vardon, the golfer who stated this quote, won the majority of his professional events in the late 1800s. Centuries later, his quote is still as true as ever. A tranquil frame of mind – you cannot play golf well without this. Doubt can cloud the trust you need to place in your swing. Without trusting yourself in this game, a game where the mental side is just as important as the skill side, you will never be able to succeed. As some of you know, I was previously at a job where I was miserable. As many of you also know, I play a couple golf qualifiers every summer, because I love this game, I love competing and I love working towards new goals. Well, because of the aforementioned terrible job, for the first time in my 15 years of competitive golf, I dropped out of a tournament. Now, I have played full events with a variety of injuries – torn ligaments, a broken bone, a nasty bout of bursitis along with every type of weather imaginable and even once with only one contact (I’m blind as a bat, by the way; try following the ball and focusing on pins that way). I do not believe in quitting, so when I saw them write the “WD” next to my name on the scoreboard, a big piece of me fell apart. I dropped out of the tournament because I had gotten so far from that ideal tranquil frame of mind, not being able to block out anxiety from work. With Vardon’s tranquil frame of mind comes trust in your game. With trust comes committed shot visualization, focus, confidence and the ability to successfully compete. I had lost all of that. So the process begins to find it once again – a process that must be trusted to reach the game that was also once trusted. Golf and trust, as you can see, go hand in hand. No matter what your skill level, always always always trust yourself, especially in this game. You know who else trusted the process? TIGER. And now he is back.

“If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life…it was an extraordinary gift for hope.”

Gatsby will forever be one of my favorite pieces of literature – and with Fitzgerald’s theme of hope in that novel also comes a sense of trust. At the start of 2016, I decided that each night I would write 5 things down in a journal. These 5 things would be what I was grateful for that day. With only a few days left of this year, I have stuck with it every single day. Some days were very simple. Some days, not so simple. But on the days where it was harder, you find that your perspective shifts. You come to be thankful for the most important things in life – health, safety, family, friends. And this gets me back to trusting this “process” of life. We’re all trying to figure it out one day at a time. Some days we go to sleep thinking “yes, I nailed life today,” and others we might think “please let tomorrow be better.” On those days where you find yourself struggling, turn back to a hopeful mindset, and place your trust in the hopes of a positive and vibrant future.

“She has been feeling it for a while now – that sense of awakening…She will hold it close to her – she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is her fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core – this is her time. She will not only climb mountains – she will move them too.”

A dear friend of mine sent me this quote, and as we close upon yet another year, I will end with what I plan to try and continuously remind myself in 2017. Trust in this process we call life. Keep your head up. Keep your heart open. Keep your mind ambitious. Keep your soul grateful. Keep your friends close, your family close, and your dreams always in sight. Inspire others. Be strong in every sense of the word. And come visit Detroit as often as you can. Cheers to you, my friends.

Settling (?) in the D

Detroiters will save themselves; Detroit will save itself.

Hello all, it’s been quite a while, and this particular post is a long time in the making, having actually rewritten it multiple times. But before I dive into my latest topic of Settling (?), which, yes, the question mark is properly placed, I take you back to March 2011 when I was fresh out of undergrad, back in Michigan from Boston, and I posted a blog entry which read the following...

“Now hopefully the next time I write to you, I’ll be happily sitting in a Starbucks on Woodward Ave, watching families, friends, businessmen, and visitors from all over walk Detroit’s streets, embracing all the city has to offer. And I have hope that sometime in my life, whether 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road that will happen. And I will be there when it does.”

Fast forward 5 years - Although I may not be at a Starbucks, I am sitting in a coffee shop, Ashe Supply Co. (try it out!), right off Woodward. A number of months ago, it hit me – wait wait wait wait a minute, have I made it? Is this the life I’ve been envisioning for so many years now? The life I moved home from Boston for? The job downtown, the fancy apartment, the fancy office, to be right in the heart of Detroit? The topic of this post focuses on the concept of settling, and the question mark has pertinence to all of my usual topics. Sit back ladies and gents, I truly hope you enjoy. 

At what point in our lives have we achieved all that we want to? Do we continue to strive for more success? To be bigger and better in everything we do? To demand more and more of ourselves? To push ourselves further, take more risks, fight to achieve more? To keep setting the bar higher and higher and higher? At what point are the dreams and goals we set for ourselves enough?

And yet - At what point are we asking too much? Being too hard on ourselves? At what point do we sit back and say, ‘yes, I’ve made it, this is exactly what I’ve fought for, what I’ve worked for, what I’ve dreamed of’? At what point, if ever, do we stop?

Only those who are willing to accept risk, who have the courage to dare greatly, share the future.

When I moved downtown, I made it a point to take notice of everything around me. With all of the construction going on, I wanted to mentally document the progress I saw, like one of those moving flipbooks per se. I wanted to always be looking up, looking around, being as observant as I could be of the urban landscape that continues to take shape day by day. The city is still very much a blank canvas. What can we do with a blank canvas? ANYTHING - that’s the beauty of Detroit. Sure, you can leave it blank. You can scribble a few things on it, or even crumple it up and toss it aside. OR.. you can turn it into a masterpiece – a creation unlike any other. Each day I walk around downtown, I see new scaffolding up, new construction jobs beginning, or the outline of work starting to take shape. There is an energy in the city – an energy that we are on the brink of something great. Give it a few more years, and I bet there will be a completely new and vibrant look. Why? Because Detroit did not settle. More on my city later..

Do not let the fear of success get to you.

There’s golf. And there’s championship golf. At the beginning of every year, rather than come up with a resolution, I write a list - a list that all of you could also make. This list contains goals, many of which are related to golf. Stats I want to maintain. Club yardages I want to get myself to. Finishes I want at events. Handicap and scoring averages I’m striving for. Some of these I successfully achieve, others I don’t. I could sit there and say, eh, my game is fine as is. I don’t need to compete anymore. Would I have less stress? Get more sleep? Have free time to relax? Probably. But do I want that instead? Nope. Is it all worth it? Absolutely. My advice to you all, because this of course pertains to more than just golf, but rather with whatever you’re passionate about – don’t ever settle. Keep pushing. Keep setting the bar higher. Your full potential is as much as you’re willing to work for. Keep priorities in mind, but also refuse to settle for a lesser version of your best self. I’ve always believed our best selves are found through our passions. Whatever that may be for you, never accept settling.

Be precise. Be fluid. Be focused. Be flawless.

The idea of settling in my game of golf I will take in two final directions, because I’m just a big ball of love for my favorite game as I write this! First, no matter what level you’re at in this game, there is always better. You can always strive to hit the ball further, hit approach shots closer, knock in longer putts, shoot lower scores. You always have the ability to tweak your swing, to better equip your game, to become physically and mentally stronger. And that’s the beauty of golf – it is a game that cannot be won, only played. So keep playing my friends! It’s what keeps people coming back – you have a great round, or even just one brilliant shot, and you think, you know what, I can play even better, and so settling doesn’t cross your mind. As Nike has so eloquently put it, There’s Always Better.

This is a lonely game, and there’s nowhere to hide. When you’re down, no one is there to lift you back up. But when you’re up, no one can drag you back down.

Last part about golf – I promise! 79 PGA Tour wins. 14 Major wins.186 total weeks ranked as the best player in the world. You all know who I’m talking about. Every time there is a new article posted about Tiger Woods, I turn into a small child on Christmas morning – anxious to read about the latest update on his recovery or the most recent insight as to what really happened to a player who was, for so long, untouchable. I know – you may be thinking, why is she going off on a “Tiger Woods fan club” rant?? I’ll tell you why. If the game of golf decided to settle with the end of Tiger’s era, it would not be where it is now. And where is that? It’s with the “Big 4” as they say – Jordan, Rory, Jason & Rickie. The young guns of the Tour. You have new faces coming – the intriguing game of Bryson DeChambeau. Smylie Kaufman. Justin Thomas. And you have faces that still remain – the Phil, Adam, DJ. I could go on. The game is in excellent hands, because there is no such thing as settling in golf! And when Tiger does return for one final time, refusing to settle for letting his historic career end in multiple injuries and tabloid-ridden chaos, I’ll be right there when he does. My friends, this truly is the greatest game ever played.

They cringe at our callused hands, because they do not understand the strength it took to get here.

Although CrossFit has become a very mainstream thing now, having to shop around for a box with great coaches, great programming and a great community, it is still, many years later, a big part of my life (or at the very least a way to unwind after long days at work). Once work started, my approach to CrossFit shifted – less time, different stresses, more responsibilities. That’s life. And so to avoid the idea of settling in this world of fitness, comparison is something I work to avoid. If we chose to settle in CrossFit, we would not lift heavier, move faster, push harder. If you’re always working to YOUR capacity, whatever that may be, then you have done the same – you have refused to settle. And at the end of the day, you do this to better yourself. Refuse to accept mediocrity. There is no replacement for hard work. Always remember though, it is only a workout – but it is one meant to be fun and one meant to be enjoyed with friends. So keep fighting for those gains, my fit friends.

I hear a voice calling, calling out for me

These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free

Be it for reason, be it for love, I won’t take the easy road

10 weddings last year. Bridesmaid in 4. To say I was in wedding overload by the end of them would be an understatement. This year there are only a few! So my excitement has been rekindled. Alright, where am I going with this? Well, I’ll go ahead and say that most of us are previously guilty of "settling" in a relationship that was not the best for us. Surviving the “Extreme Wedding Season of 2015” had me reflecting on the idea of relationships. Seeing each and every one of my friends walk down the aisle, I know that none of them have settled. Each wedding was the example of love and happiness that we all hope to be so lucky to find one day. In my reflecting back, there are the relationships where you are too focused on yourself, and you let the "good guy/girl" get away. You have the relationships that you fought too hard for and stayed in for too long, perhaps even losing the person you used to be along the way. Finally, you have the relationships that come to a mutual and civil end. Each one shapes us in its own unique way. In each wedding, my friends have found the person that makes them better, that makes them smile, that will be there forever and always. And I say to you all to do the same for yourselves – never settle. And cheers to the “Much Less Extreme Wedding Season of 2016.” 

I want to deliver. I don’t know when it is going to be good enough, but I want to deliver, and one way to do that is to bring great people and ideas to the city. We cannot do it alone. We have to bring people in that believe in Detroit.

Our city has gotten to the point it’s at because the people that are passionate about its rejuvenation never settled, and they continue to refuse to settle. They see Detroit and her potential. We have the opportunity to design the blueprint for a city that died and is rising again from the ashes. “Dan Gilbert purchases new building Downtown” has become a standard headline we often read. But if he is willing to continue investing in our great city, then more power to him and the Illitches. When I tell people I live Downtown, you can see their eyes get bigger, sparking a sense of intrigue. Yes, my friends, it is every bit as great as I thought it would be, and it can only get better from here.

I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.

Each person has his or her own story, this I’ve always included in my posts – we have periods during our lives where we thrive as Detroit once did, times where we lose ourselves as Detroit also did, but also chances where we can pick ourselves up and emerge better and brighter than we ever were before. Unfortunately, this does not happen easily. If one settles during times of trouble, times of sadness, times of loneliness, times of anger, then that is exactly where you will remain. But if you fight hard enough, look closely enough for the ways to make yourself better, you will not stay there. The harder you fight, the sweeter it will feel when you make it. Just as one does not see an abandoned building as a decrepit eyesore, but rather as an architectural beauty ready to house their ideas there – you do not accept settling, you constantly improve, you fight for that better version of yourself. And this is something I continue to work on each day.

As Detroit continues to refuse settling as an option, it will continue to turn heads, continue to inspire others to come and show off their own brilliance on our blank canvas. I encourage you to use Detroit as your pathway to following your own passion – and as you start to shine brighter, you bring your own light to our once dark city, now starting to shimmer even more so than ever before. And with that, I change the title of this post from “Settling (?) In the D” to “Settling in the D.” Until next time my friends, always stay Detroit strong.