Settling (?) in the D

Detroiters will save themselves; Detroit will save itself.

Hello all, it’s been quite a while, and this particular post is a long time in the making, having actually rewritten it multiple times. But before I dive into my latest topic of Settling (?), which, yes, the question mark is properly placed, I take you back to March 2011 when I was fresh out of undergrad, back in Michigan from Boston, and I posted a blog entry which read the following...

“Now hopefully the next time I write to you, I’ll be happily sitting in a Starbucks on Woodward Ave, watching families, friends, businessmen, and visitors from all over walk Detroit’s streets, embracing all the city has to offer. And I have hope that sometime in my life, whether 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road that will happen. And I will be there when it does.”

Fast forward 5 years - Although I may not be at a Starbucks, I am sitting in a coffee shop, Ashe Supply Co. (try it out!), right off Woodward. A number of months ago, it hit me – wait wait wait wait a minute, have I made it? Is this the life I’ve been envisioning for so many years now? The life I moved home from Boston for? The job downtown, the fancy apartment, the fancy office, to be right in the heart of Detroit? The topic of this post focuses on the concept of settling, and the question mark has pertinence to all of my usual topics. Sit back ladies and gents, I truly hope you enjoy. 

At what point in our lives have we achieved all that we want to? Do we continue to strive for more success? To be bigger and better in everything we do? To demand more and more of ourselves? To push ourselves further, take more risks, fight to achieve more? To keep setting the bar higher and higher and higher? At what point are the dreams and goals we set for ourselves enough?

And yet - At what point are we asking too much? Being too hard on ourselves? At what point do we sit back and say, ‘yes, I’ve made it, this is exactly what I’ve fought for, what I’ve worked for, what I’ve dreamed of’? At what point, if ever, do we stop?

Only those who are willing to accept risk, who have the courage to dare greatly, share the future.

When I moved downtown, I made it a point to take notice of everything around me. With all of the construction going on, I wanted to mentally document the progress I saw, like one of those moving flipbooks per se. I wanted to always be looking up, looking around, being as observant as I could be of the urban landscape that continues to take shape day by day. The city is still very much a blank canvas. What can we do with a blank canvas? ANYTHING - that’s the beauty of Detroit. Sure, you can leave it blank. You can scribble a few things on it, or even crumple it up and toss it aside. OR.. you can turn it into a masterpiece – a creation unlike any other. Each day I walk around downtown, I see new scaffolding up, new construction jobs beginning, or the outline of work starting to take shape. There is an energy in the city – an energy that we are on the brink of something great. Give it a few more years, and I bet there will be a completely new and vibrant look. Why? Because Detroit did not settle. More on my city later..

Do not let the fear of success get to you.

There’s golf. And there’s championship golf. At the beginning of every year, rather than come up with a resolution, I write a list - a list that all of you could also make. This list contains goals, many of which are related to golf. Stats I want to maintain. Club yardages I want to get myself to. Finishes I want at events. Handicap and scoring averages I’m striving for. Some of these I successfully achieve, others I don’t. I could sit there and say, eh, my game is fine as is. I don’t need to compete anymore. Would I have less stress? Get more sleep? Have free time to relax? Probably. But do I want that instead? Nope. Is it all worth it? Absolutely. My advice to you all, because this of course pertains to more than just golf, but rather with whatever you’re passionate about – don’t ever settle. Keep pushing. Keep setting the bar higher. Your full potential is as much as you’re willing to work for. Keep priorities in mind, but also refuse to settle for a lesser version of your best self. I’ve always believed our best selves are found through our passions. Whatever that may be for you, never accept settling.

Be precise. Be fluid. Be focused. Be flawless.

The idea of settling in my game of golf I will take in two final directions, because I’m just a big ball of love for my favorite game as I write this! First, no matter what level you’re at in this game, there is always better. You can always strive to hit the ball further, hit approach shots closer, knock in longer putts, shoot lower scores. You always have the ability to tweak your swing, to better equip your game, to become physically and mentally stronger. And that’s the beauty of golf – it is a game that cannot be won, only played. So keep playing my friends! It’s what keeps people coming back – you have a great round, or even just one brilliant shot, and you think, you know what, I can play even better, and so settling doesn’t cross your mind. As Nike has so eloquently put it, There’s Always Better.

This is a lonely game, and there’s nowhere to hide. When you’re down, no one is there to lift you back up. But when you’re up, no one can drag you back down.

Last part about golf – I promise! 79 PGA Tour wins. 14 Major wins.186 total weeks ranked as the best player in the world. You all know who I’m talking about. Every time there is a new article posted about Tiger Woods, I turn into a small child on Christmas morning – anxious to read about the latest update on his recovery or the most recent insight as to what really happened to a player who was, for so long, untouchable. I know – you may be thinking, why is she going off on a “Tiger Woods fan club” rant?? I’ll tell you why. If the game of golf decided to settle with the end of Tiger’s era, it would not be where it is now. And where is that? It’s with the “Big 4” as they say – Jordan, Rory, Jason & Rickie. The young guns of the Tour. You have new faces coming – the intriguing game of Bryson DeChambeau. Smylie Kaufman. Justin Thomas. And you have faces that still remain – the Phil, Adam, DJ. I could go on. The game is in excellent hands, because there is no such thing as settling in golf! And when Tiger does return for one final time, refusing to settle for letting his historic career end in multiple injuries and tabloid-ridden chaos, I’ll be right there when he does. My friends, this truly is the greatest game ever played.

They cringe at our callused hands, because they do not understand the strength it took to get here.

Although CrossFit has become a very mainstream thing now, having to shop around for a box with great coaches, great programming and a great community, it is still, many years later, a big part of my life (or at the very least a way to unwind after long days at work). Once work started, my approach to CrossFit shifted – less time, different stresses, more responsibilities. That’s life. And so to avoid the idea of settling in this world of fitness, comparison is something I work to avoid. If we chose to settle in CrossFit, we would not lift heavier, move faster, push harder. If you’re always working to YOUR capacity, whatever that may be, then you have done the same – you have refused to settle. And at the end of the day, you do this to better yourself. Refuse to accept mediocrity. There is no replacement for hard work. Always remember though, it is only a workout – but it is one meant to be fun and one meant to be enjoyed with friends. So keep fighting for those gains, my fit friends.

I hear a voice calling, calling out for me

These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free

Be it for reason, be it for love, I won’t take the easy road

10 weddings last year. Bridesmaid in 4. To say I was in wedding overload by the end of them would be an understatement. This year there are only a few! So my excitement has been rekindled. Alright, where am I going with this? Well, I’ll go ahead and say that most of us are previously guilty of "settling" in a relationship that was not the best for us. Surviving the “Extreme Wedding Season of 2015” had me reflecting on the idea of relationships. Seeing each and every one of my friends walk down the aisle, I know that none of them have settled. Each wedding was the example of love and happiness that we all hope to be so lucky to find one day. In my reflecting back, there are the relationships where you are too focused on yourself, and you let the "good guy/girl" get away. You have the relationships that you fought too hard for and stayed in for too long, perhaps even losing the person you used to be along the way. Finally, you have the relationships that come to a mutual and civil end. Each one shapes us in its own unique way. In each wedding, my friends have found the person that makes them better, that makes them smile, that will be there forever and always. And I say to you all to do the same for yourselves – never settle. And cheers to the “Much Less Extreme Wedding Season of 2016.” 

I want to deliver. I don’t know when it is going to be good enough, but I want to deliver, and one way to do that is to bring great people and ideas to the city. We cannot do it alone. We have to bring people in that believe in Detroit.

Our city has gotten to the point it’s at because the people that are passionate about its rejuvenation never settled, and they continue to refuse to settle. They see Detroit and her potential. We have the opportunity to design the blueprint for a city that died and is rising again from the ashes. “Dan Gilbert purchases new building Downtown” has become a standard headline we often read. But if he is willing to continue investing in our great city, then more power to him and the Illitches. When I tell people I live Downtown, you can see their eyes get bigger, sparking a sense of intrigue. Yes, my friends, it is every bit as great as I thought it would be, and it can only get better from here.

I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.

Each person has his or her own story, this I’ve always included in my posts – we have periods during our lives where we thrive as Detroit once did, times where we lose ourselves as Detroit also did, but also chances where we can pick ourselves up and emerge better and brighter than we ever were before. Unfortunately, this does not happen easily. If one settles during times of trouble, times of sadness, times of loneliness, times of anger, then that is exactly where you will remain. But if you fight hard enough, look closely enough for the ways to make yourself better, you will not stay there. The harder you fight, the sweeter it will feel when you make it. Just as one does not see an abandoned building as a decrepit eyesore, but rather as an architectural beauty ready to house their ideas there – you do not accept settling, you constantly improve, you fight for that better version of yourself. And this is something I continue to work on each day.

As Detroit continues to refuse settling as an option, it will continue to turn heads, continue to inspire others to come and show off their own brilliance on our blank canvas. I encourage you to use Detroit as your pathway to following your own passion – and as you start to shine brighter, you bring your own light to our once dark city, now starting to shimmer even more so than ever before. And with that, I change the title of this post from “Settling (?) In the D” to “Settling in the D.” Until next time my friends, always stay Detroit strong.