Trust in the D

 “You are here. Today. In this place with a story that is unique to you. Each of us has a story that is unfolding, chapter by chapter, page by page. The chapters are sometimes thrilling and adventurous, occasionally dark and difficult, at times mundane and dull, perhaps both beautiful and messy all at once. Your story is important, because you have something to tell, something you’ve walked through, something you’ve longed for, something true. Right now, the place you’re in, that dot on the map, is real. And your story matters.”

Hello from the chilly winter of Detroit and yet another one of my ramblings. Tonight I write to you on Trust in the D. Some say trust is something only earned and never freely given. It is a core virtue in many different aspects of one’s attitude towards life, and that is the type of trust I’ll focus on here – to trust that you are where you are meant to be, to trust things happen for a reason (as cliché as that phrase is), to trust in life’s path, life’s journey, to trust one another, to trust yourself, to trust God’s plan for you. And in terms of my city – to trust in where Detroit is going, to trust that the efforts and passions people bring here will grow from a mere spark into a brilliant fire of a reborn metropolis, unique in every way it has grown from the ashes. But as with so many things, it is all part of a process – a process we must trust.

“Detroit’s kind of always been bubbling under the surface, and I kind of like it that way.”

I met with a colleague for coffee a few months back, and having worked in Detroit as a tax attorney for many years, he began to tell me about what it was like Downtown about 15-20 years ago. “A tumbleweed literally blew across Woodward one time,” he said. A TUMBLEWEED. In what used to be a booming city. Now if trust hasn’t played a role in the process of Detroit’s “urban resurgence” per se, improving from its deserted tumbleweed days, then I don’t know what has. At that low “tumbleweed blowing in the wind” point for Detroit, the city and those who believed in its potential held onto that trust. And we must all do the same – to trust things will improve and be better than you ever thought they could be before, with whatever it is you are working towards in your life. And you can choose to disagree, choose to take the cynical approach, the negative outlook (which, believe me, I am guilty of doing too much), but where will that get us? It certainly will not help with our hope for and trust in the future. And in case you were wondering, tumbleweeds are no longer blowing across Woodward Ave…

“The national narrative of Detroit shifted to the new ‘It’ city, defining Rust Belt revitalism and ‘gritty’ from the ashes rebirth.”

Having now lived in Detroit for a year and a half, I’ve been lucky enough to see many developments take shape. In fact, the new Red Wings (AND Pistons) arena actually looks like an ARENA now rather than the bare steel skeleton it was when I moved Downtown. New apartments. New lofts. New offices. New parks. New light rail. New restaurants. New shops. New buildings that I don’t even know what they will be yet. Some days, I can’t keep up. Each time I see a group of friends or a family walking Detroit’s streets, my heart smiles. I have been told by friends from out of town that when they come to Detroit, they feel a sense of energy. There is that sense of excitement in knowing the city is still on the verge of something great. This process has not happened overnight. It has taken that element of trust in believing the city could make the comeback that it has. I will admit, there have been days recently where I’ve questioned if I’m in the right place in my life, if I belong here, despite my love for my city. But this is where trust comes back into play – trusting in letting life happen. Trusting in this process. I am sure some questioned if Detroit’s comeback would be as successful as it has been… and with that trust they kept in their efforts, dedication, investments, and hard work, progress continued to be made towards such a better version of Detroit compared to what it used to be. And I urge you to come Downtown to see it for yourselves.

“You run and run, mile after mile, and you never quite know why. You tell yourself that you’re running toward some goal, chasing some rush, but really you run because the alternative, stopping, scares you to death… Just keep going, whatever comes, just don’t stop.”

I am notorious for not knowing how to slow down, and I believe Phil Knight’s quote above is the perfect illustration of that. Fitness. I always address fitness in my posts. Trust – for whatever you’re working towards, be it a higher level of CrossFit (yes, 5 years later, I’m still doing that “crazy workout” thing), a marathon PR or just to get back to a healthier version of yourself, you have to trust whatever process you’re embarking on. There will be highs, there will be lows, but what you must keep at the forefront of your goals is trust. Trust that your programming or your coach or simply your dedication will make you stronger, faster, healthier. At the end of the day, you and only you are responsible and accountable for trusting in yourself, trusting in your abilities and trusting that you can do it, that you can lift those numbers, that you can follow that nutrition plan, that you can run that distance, that you can stay committed and that you can succeed. Excuses cannot be a factor. We are all tired, we are all busy, we are all stressed in our own unique ways. Anything worth working towards is not meant to come easily – so keep trusting, keep pushing, and as I wrote above – just don’t stop. In the long run (pun intended), you will be glad you did.

“For this game you need, above all things, a tranquil frame of mind.”

Harry Vardon, the golfer who stated this quote, won the majority of his professional events in the late 1800s. Centuries later, his quote is still as true as ever. A tranquil frame of mind – you cannot play golf well without this. Doubt can cloud the trust you need to place in your swing. Without trusting yourself in this game, a game where the mental side is just as important as the skill side, you will never be able to succeed. As some of you know, I was previously at a job where I was miserable. As many of you also know, I play a couple golf qualifiers every summer, because I love this game, I love competing and I love working towards new goals. Well, because of the aforementioned terrible job, for the first time in my 15 years of competitive golf, I dropped out of a tournament. Now, I have played full events with a variety of injuries – torn ligaments, a broken bone, a nasty bout of bursitis along with every type of weather imaginable and even once with only one contact (I’m blind as a bat, by the way; try following the ball and focusing on pins that way). I do not believe in quitting, so when I saw them write the “WD” next to my name on the scoreboard, a big piece of me fell apart. I dropped out of the tournament because I had gotten so far from that ideal tranquil frame of mind, not being able to block out anxiety from work. With Vardon’s tranquil frame of mind comes trust in your game. With trust comes committed shot visualization, focus, confidence and the ability to successfully compete. I had lost all of that. So the process begins to find it once again – a process that must be trusted to reach the game that was also once trusted. Golf and trust, as you can see, go hand in hand. No matter what your skill level, always always always trust yourself, especially in this game. You know who else trusted the process? TIGER. And now he is back.

“If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life…it was an extraordinary gift for hope.”

Gatsby will forever be one of my favorite pieces of literature – and with Fitzgerald’s theme of hope in that novel also comes a sense of trust. At the start of 2016, I decided that each night I would write 5 things down in a journal. These 5 things would be what I was grateful for that day. With only a few days left of this year, I have stuck with it every single day. Some days were very simple. Some days, not so simple. But on the days where it was harder, you find that your perspective shifts. You come to be thankful for the most important things in life – health, safety, family, friends. And this gets me back to trusting this “process” of life. We’re all trying to figure it out one day at a time. Some days we go to sleep thinking “yes, I nailed life today,” and others we might think “please let tomorrow be better.” On those days where you find yourself struggling, turn back to a hopeful mindset, and place your trust in the hopes of a positive and vibrant future.

“She has been feeling it for a while now – that sense of awakening…She will hold it close to her – she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is her fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core – this is her time. She will not only climb mountains – she will move them too.”

A dear friend of mine sent me this quote, and as we close upon yet another year, I will end with what I plan to try and continuously remind myself in 2017. Trust in this process we call life. Keep your head up. Keep your heart open. Keep your mind ambitious. Keep your soul grateful. Keep your friends close, your family close, and your dreams always in sight. Inspire others. Be strong in every sense of the word. And come visit Detroit as often as you can. Cheers to you, my friends.

Settling (?) in the D

Detroiters will save themselves; Detroit will save itself.

Hello all, it’s been quite a while, and this particular post is a long time in the making, having actually rewritten it multiple times. But before I dive into my latest topic of Settling (?), which, yes, the question mark is properly placed, I take you back to March 2011 when I was fresh out of undergrad, back in Michigan from Boston, and I posted a blog entry which read the following...

“Now hopefully the next time I write to you, I’ll be happily sitting in a Starbucks on Woodward Ave, watching families, friends, businessmen, and visitors from all over walk Detroit’s streets, embracing all the city has to offer. And I have hope that sometime in my life, whether 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road that will happen. And I will be there when it does.”

Fast forward 5 years - Although I may not be at a Starbucks, I am sitting in a coffee shop, Ashe Supply Co. (try it out!), right off Woodward. A number of months ago, it hit me – wait wait wait wait a minute, have I made it? Is this the life I’ve been envisioning for so many years now? The life I moved home from Boston for? The job downtown, the fancy apartment, the fancy office, to be right in the heart of Detroit? The topic of this post focuses on the concept of settling, and the question mark has pertinence to all of my usual topics. Sit back ladies and gents, I truly hope you enjoy. 

At what point in our lives have we achieved all that we want to? Do we continue to strive for more success? To be bigger and better in everything we do? To demand more and more of ourselves? To push ourselves further, take more risks, fight to achieve more? To keep setting the bar higher and higher and higher? At what point are the dreams and goals we set for ourselves enough?

And yet - At what point are we asking too much? Being too hard on ourselves? At what point do we sit back and say, ‘yes, I’ve made it, this is exactly what I’ve fought for, what I’ve worked for, what I’ve dreamed of’? At what point, if ever, do we stop?

Only those who are willing to accept risk, who have the courage to dare greatly, share the future.

When I moved downtown, I made it a point to take notice of everything around me. With all of the construction going on, I wanted to mentally document the progress I saw, like one of those moving flipbooks per se. I wanted to always be looking up, looking around, being as observant as I could be of the urban landscape that continues to take shape day by day. The city is still very much a blank canvas. What can we do with a blank canvas? ANYTHING - that’s the beauty of Detroit. Sure, you can leave it blank. You can scribble a few things on it, or even crumple it up and toss it aside. OR.. you can turn it into a masterpiece – a creation unlike any other. Each day I walk around downtown, I see new scaffolding up, new construction jobs beginning, or the outline of work starting to take shape. There is an energy in the city – an energy that we are on the brink of something great. Give it a few more years, and I bet there will be a completely new and vibrant look. Why? Because Detroit did not settle. More on my city later..

Do not let the fear of success get to you.

There’s golf. And there’s championship golf. At the beginning of every year, rather than come up with a resolution, I write a list - a list that all of you could also make. This list contains goals, many of which are related to golf. Stats I want to maintain. Club yardages I want to get myself to. Finishes I want at events. Handicap and scoring averages I’m striving for. Some of these I successfully achieve, others I don’t. I could sit there and say, eh, my game is fine as is. I don’t need to compete anymore. Would I have less stress? Get more sleep? Have free time to relax? Probably. But do I want that instead? Nope. Is it all worth it? Absolutely. My advice to you all, because this of course pertains to more than just golf, but rather with whatever you’re passionate about – don’t ever settle. Keep pushing. Keep setting the bar higher. Your full potential is as much as you’re willing to work for. Keep priorities in mind, but also refuse to settle for a lesser version of your best self. I’ve always believed our best selves are found through our passions. Whatever that may be for you, never accept settling.

Be precise. Be fluid. Be focused. Be flawless.

The idea of settling in my game of golf I will take in two final directions, because I’m just a big ball of love for my favorite game as I write this! First, no matter what level you’re at in this game, there is always better. You can always strive to hit the ball further, hit approach shots closer, knock in longer putts, shoot lower scores. You always have the ability to tweak your swing, to better equip your game, to become physically and mentally stronger. And that’s the beauty of golf – it is a game that cannot be won, only played. So keep playing my friends! It’s what keeps people coming back – you have a great round, or even just one brilliant shot, and you think, you know what, I can play even better, and so settling doesn’t cross your mind. As Nike has so eloquently put it, There’s Always Better.

This is a lonely game, and there’s nowhere to hide. When you’re down, no one is there to lift you back up. But when you’re up, no one can drag you back down.

Last part about golf – I promise! 79 PGA Tour wins. 14 Major wins.186 total weeks ranked as the best player in the world. You all know who I’m talking about. Every time there is a new article posted about Tiger Woods, I turn into a small child on Christmas morning – anxious to read about the latest update on his recovery or the most recent insight as to what really happened to a player who was, for so long, untouchable. I know – you may be thinking, why is she going off on a “Tiger Woods fan club” rant?? I’ll tell you why. If the game of golf decided to settle with the end of Tiger’s era, it would not be where it is now. And where is that? It’s with the “Big 4” as they say – Jordan, Rory, Jason & Rickie. The young guns of the Tour. You have new faces coming – the intriguing game of Bryson DeChambeau. Smylie Kaufman. Justin Thomas. And you have faces that still remain – the Phil, Adam, DJ. I could go on. The game is in excellent hands, because there is no such thing as settling in golf! And when Tiger does return for one final time, refusing to settle for letting his historic career end in multiple injuries and tabloid-ridden chaos, I’ll be right there when he does. My friends, this truly is the greatest game ever played.

They cringe at our callused hands, because they do not understand the strength it took to get here.

Although CrossFit has become a very mainstream thing now, having to shop around for a box with great coaches, great programming and a great community, it is still, many years later, a big part of my life (or at the very least a way to unwind after long days at work). Once work started, my approach to CrossFit shifted – less time, different stresses, more responsibilities. That’s life. And so to avoid the idea of settling in this world of fitness, comparison is something I work to avoid. If we chose to settle in CrossFit, we would not lift heavier, move faster, push harder. If you’re always working to YOUR capacity, whatever that may be, then you have done the same – you have refused to settle. And at the end of the day, you do this to better yourself. Refuse to accept mediocrity. There is no replacement for hard work. Always remember though, it is only a workout – but it is one meant to be fun and one meant to be enjoyed with friends. So keep fighting for those gains, my fit friends.

I hear a voice calling, calling out for me

These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free

Be it for reason, be it for love, I won’t take the easy road

10 weddings last year. Bridesmaid in 4. To say I was in wedding overload by the end of them would be an understatement. This year there are only a few! So my excitement has been rekindled. Alright, where am I going with this? Well, I’ll go ahead and say that most of us are previously guilty of "settling" in a relationship that was not the best for us. Surviving the “Extreme Wedding Season of 2015” had me reflecting on the idea of relationships. Seeing each and every one of my friends walk down the aisle, I know that none of them have settled. Each wedding was the example of love and happiness that we all hope to be so lucky to find one day. In my reflecting back, there are the relationships where you are too focused on yourself, and you let the "good guy/girl" get away. You have the relationships that you fought too hard for and stayed in for too long, perhaps even losing the person you used to be along the way. Finally, you have the relationships that come to a mutual and civil end. Each one shapes us in its own unique way. In each wedding, my friends have found the person that makes them better, that makes them smile, that will be there forever and always. And I say to you all to do the same for yourselves – never settle. And cheers to the “Much Less Extreme Wedding Season of 2016.” 

I want to deliver. I don’t know when it is going to be good enough, but I want to deliver, and one way to do that is to bring great people and ideas to the city. We cannot do it alone. We have to bring people in that believe in Detroit.

Our city has gotten to the point it’s at because the people that are passionate about its rejuvenation never settled, and they continue to refuse to settle. They see Detroit and her potential. We have the opportunity to design the blueprint for a city that died and is rising again from the ashes. “Dan Gilbert purchases new building Downtown” has become a standard headline we often read. But if he is willing to continue investing in our great city, then more power to him and the Illitches. When I tell people I live Downtown, you can see their eyes get bigger, sparking a sense of intrigue. Yes, my friends, it is every bit as great as I thought it would be, and it can only get better from here.

I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.

Each person has his or her own story, this I’ve always included in my posts – we have periods during our lives where we thrive as Detroit once did, times where we lose ourselves as Detroit also did, but also chances where we can pick ourselves up and emerge better and brighter than we ever were before. Unfortunately, this does not happen easily. If one settles during times of trouble, times of sadness, times of loneliness, times of anger, then that is exactly where you will remain. But if you fight hard enough, look closely enough for the ways to make yourself better, you will not stay there. The harder you fight, the sweeter it will feel when you make it. Just as one does not see an abandoned building as a decrepit eyesore, but rather as an architectural beauty ready to house their ideas there – you do not accept settling, you constantly improve, you fight for that better version of yourself. And this is something I continue to work on each day.

As Detroit continues to refuse settling as an option, it will continue to turn heads, continue to inspire others to come and show off their own brilliance on our blank canvas. I encourage you to use Detroit as your pathway to following your own passion – and as you start to shine brighter, you bring your own light to our once dark city, now starting to shimmer even more so than ever before. And with that, I change the title of this post from “Settling (?) In the D” to “Settling in the D.” Until next time my friends, always stay Detroit strong.

Patience in the D

“It takes heart to fight for something that so many consider a lost cause - a strong mind to breathe life into that cause and prove so many wrong. Keep your heart true and your mind strong, Detroit.”

“Will you just be patient?!? Remember, patience is a virtue.” This statement, I venture to say, is often accompanied by a rolling of the eyes, a deep sigh and a disgruntled “I know...” Hello again everyone, it’s been awhile since I’ve written to you, so I believe it’s that time again. Patience in the D is what I’ll be discussing as this New Year is now upon us. So sit back and grab a warm cup of your favorite brew. I hope you enjoy my latest ramblings on Detroit, golf, CrossFit and life in general, and how all of those require a little thing I call patience.

“What we have to remember is that we can still do anything, we can change our minds, we can start over. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. We can’t.. no, we must not lose this sense of possibility, because in the end, it’s all we have.”

Detroit. Our city has had its ups and downs throughout the years, there’s no denying that. I would like to boast that it is on its way up, but this comes with a sense of patience with the process. We aren’t going to wake up one day and, BAM, a similar city dynamic of Chicago or Boston or even NYC has popped up where the derelict streets used to lie. Instead, we take small steps in the right direction over time - Mr. Illitch’s “District,” the M1 Light Rail, and countless new residents in apartments and lofts downtown, just to name a few (and hopefully a Lions Super Bowl eventually, once the refs cut us a break). Detroit, the great American comeback city - a city where even the smallest of initiatives can make a positive impact. Give it a few more (patient) years, and we’ll have come back even more so than ever before. Somewhat freshly out of law school, I can say that we all face a similar challenge in developing our careers. We may not be where we envisioned ourselves professionally just yet, but, again, with patience and small steps in the right directions, we will get there. And that is a journey I am still embarking on.

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

There were moments in time when Detroit seemed to have fallen into this same moment – where the city continued to fall apart, and people felt as though nothing could be done. However, over time, there has been new life building throughout our city. Patience. All of the developments downtown have come from hard work, dedication, and patience. The arrival of a new year has a way of inspiring people to create goals. Whether big or small, the end of one year and start of the next always seems to motivate people to make changes in their lives for the better; and these goals you seek often require patience. If you’re trying to accomplish anything in life, it will come with the same dedication and hard work we have shown Detroit, and most importantly, yes, I’m going to say it again - PATIENCE.

“First, you must see; second, you feel; third, you trust. Trust is the epitome of golf. It is the freedom to swing and let go. Great athletes compete best when they are free… And this, this requires rhythm, balance, and patience.”

I’ll admit that, at times, patience is something I struggle with. Except in one thing... Golf. I read a spectacular book recently about this wonderful game, which is where the above quote comes from (Golf’s Sacred Journey, if anyone is interested). If you play golf, and especially if you play golf competitively, you know how much patience is a factor - not only in practice sessions at the range, studying your swing to make even the most intricate of changes to improve it, but when you are actually competing. Hit a bad shot? If you get angry, get ready to hit at least 5 more bad shots. Patience is key.

Yet that is part of what makes the game so humbling. Some days everything is on point; you hit lasers at the pins, you sink every putt. And then, there are the other days… you might not be able to hit a fairway even if your life depended on it. You play with what you have that day – and you play with patience. Mastering a golf swing takes a lifetime of dedication, so stick with it; I promise that you won’t be disappointed if you do. Because when you’ve had patience with yourself and with this game, and everything comes together, it truly is a beautiful thing.

“Whether in golf or in life, it’s time to get out of your own way and let the real you shine. Find what you do well and perfect it.”

In anything you choose to dedicate countless hours of practice or training to, for one reason or another, you’re bound to fall into a bit of a funk every now and then. My particular one in golf lasted an infuriating year and a half. In 7 qualifiers, I found myself in the alternate spot in 5 of them, I missed it by one stroke, one single stroke… 5 times. This game takes an immense amount of mental strength and focus, two things I had lost, and had spent much too long trying to find once again. Patience. Have patience. Change your mentality, the swing is there, but have patience. And then, this last September, there it was. My old golf game had come back. But the tournament win wasn’t what was most important to me – it was the feeling of knowing I had found my game again. And that, undoubtedly, came with patience.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

If life is not going your way, things tend to spiral; one negative thought piles onto the next until you feel as though you’ve lost control. This is a point when you absolutely must find patience, not only with yourself, but with all of the curveballs life throws at you. So if you’re having these same struggles in something you’re passionate about, keep going. Do not give up. Have patience with life’s path – trust it will all turn around for the better. And it will turn around, because you know deep down that it will, and that is exactly why you keep working at something you love. And if ever down the road, any of you care to get a round in at the golf course, I always love the company.

“Every champion has convictions, but perennial champions have convictions based on foundations. These foundations become the first line of defense when facing adversity.”

CrossFit. I’ll make this topic short, because CrossFit talk gets annoying sometimes. We have all heard of the proverbial “plateau” you hit. Everyone chugs the kool-aid right out of the gate because you often make so much progress so quickly, then you hit that wall and gains come at a slower pace. This requires patience. But we all know that.

If you’re like me in CrossFit, your own worst enemy often is yourself. I would describe myself as tall and gangly (and albeit, competitive), and in an environment where you’re often surrounded by those lifting more than you or working faster than you, patience with yourself becomes key to not losing your mind. Following a change in boxes, I wrote on their whiteboard of goals “to have confidence in myself again.” So I suggest you do the same – set goals for yourself, and have patience in the process of working towards making them reality.

If you ever find yourself frustrated with not progressing as quickly as you’d like or not hitting your percentages lifting on a given day, stop for a second. Step back, remind yourself it is only CrossFit, and if you’re upset over a workout (even though, yes, I know, the Open is coming up soon), I suggest you make changes to your perspective on life and what is truly important. Instead, laugh at yourself for reacting this way; remember it is just fitness, and get back at it harder the next day. Gains will come.

“No light, no light in your bright blue eyes; I never knew daylight could be so violent

A revelation in the light of day, you can’t choose what stays and what fades away”

Relationships. I’ll be going in two different directions with this topic, so hang in there with me… There are many times in life where patience is a necessity. What I am about to discuss is not one of those times. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. If you find yourself in a situation or a relationship where you have to convince yourself to be patient, but in a negative way – that if you’re patient, he or she will stop ignoring you, stop lying to you, stop disrespecting you, stop pushing you off to the side whenever someone better comes along – WARNING, you’ve now exhibited traits of insanity, not patience. If you keep yourself in hurtful situations like this, you only fuel the downward spiral, which I will say is not something to easily dig yourself back out of. In these instances, cut that toxicity out of your life for your own good, and shift your patience onto yourself, and onto trusting that your life will fall into place as it is meant to with whom it is meant to.

Marriage. Ha, no, not me crazy, I’m not getting married right now. Everyone else may be, but not me. When the list of engagements seems to constantly be growing, anxiety can run quite high, and this is where patience, once again, becomes a necessity – patience that you will also, one day, find the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, to find happiness with, to start a family with, to grow old with. Past relationships, no matter how good or bad they may have been, teach us lessons. Each person that comes into and out of our lives has an impact on who we become. Some remain, and some do not. Yet there is the hope that we all find the person who truly makes us a better version of ourselves. And patience will always be there to help us along the way.

“’For I know the plan I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

At the end of the day, no matter what life throws at us, we must always keep on going. My friends have reminded me many times that you have to have faith that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at any given moment in your life. If it is not a moment or reality you had ever pictured for yourself, then you have to remember that patience is what you seek. Be patient with God’s plan for you, that on His time, you will have everything work out for the best. And when it does, you can sit back and smile, for patience helped get you to this point. So, to end, I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite classic American books, and well wishes for your 2015. Approach this New Year with an open mind, a hopeful heart, ambitious goals, and patience. Oh, and a few trips to Detroit, of course.

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter – tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.”

Uncertainty in the D

Here it is – the end of law school classes. I’m not jumping the gun here because 5 finals still stand between me and graduation, but at the end of this seemingly long, sleep-deprived journey, I had to post something new. Uncertainty. Unless you have a knack for predicting the future, I’m sure you’ve faced this before. And for me, well, I let myself worry a bit too much about this. You can’t plan life; and often when you do, life usually laughs right back at you and throws a nice curve ball to mix up your plan. So naturally, I give you my next blog entry – Uncertainty in the D. I hope you enjoy it.

And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.

Unlike most, if not all, of my previous posts, I’ll devote a little more of this one to law school, simply because it is finally coming to an end. First, I take you back to late August of 2011. I walked into my Contracts class with Professor Barnhizer. I had read that he had gone to Harvard Law, would kick you out of class if you didn’t know the answer when you were called on, and he sported the craziest looking mustache I’ve ever seen. Holy uncertainty and constant state of fear sitting there. Well, 3 years later, as I sit outside the law building, I’m still alive.. Or at least I think I am. I know that I have somehow perfected the art of doing 6 million things along with law school, but I wouldn’t recommend it (unless you have an addiction to caffeine, making to-do lists, and are morally opposed to naps). Just as I began law school with feelings of uncertainty, those feelings have not only remained with me, but have exponentially increased the closer I have come to being done.

Now, if you’re unaware of the process, I’ll give a quick explanation of the very tedious (and expensive) task of just applying to take the bar exam. It was January of this year - “You should probably start filling out your application for where you’d like to take the July Bar.” Uhhhhh, excuse me? Are you speaking to me? That’s 7 months away. I don’t even know where the girls’ basketball games are this week. So the feelings of uncertainty kicked into high gear. HELP. I battled so much questioning of where I should apply. Where would I be happy? Where would I most likely find a job, and where would I find a job I actually like? Where do I want to live for however many years to come? Do I want to give up coaching? Do I want to be in a new city? Do I want to be on the East Coast? The West Coast? Stay in the Midwest? What about any reciprocity? What about being able to golf? Finding a new Crossfit box? A new place to live? Am I able to move away from my friends and family again? And finally, my biggest question of them all, do I want to look at this as a completely brand new start to the next chapter of my life? SOMEONE JUST TELL ME! Well, as is often the case in life, there were no answers to my questions. Thus, more uncertainty arose.

I venture to say that we all face dilemmas like this in one form or another. New jobs, new cities, new friends, new relationships, leaving old memories behind in order to make new ones. Pursuing bigger and better things for yourself takes courage to face this uncertainty. So to anyone who can relate to this, not just law students, but anyone, I’ll tell you what I continue to try and tell myself – to let life happen. Make your decisions, stick with them, and trust that what you have chosen is best for you. Then hopefully, those feelings of uncertainty will fade away, and the new steps you take in life will bring clarity to the fog that uncertainty can bring. And with that, I have 9 days until law school is done.

Never give up.

The 2014 Crossfit Open ended a few weeks ago. My opinion on that - thank sweet baby Jesus. “Constantly varied.” That’s part of how Crossfit is often described. Well, last I checked, constantly varied is indicative of uncertainty. My Open experience last year compared to this year was quite, for lack of a more clever way to say it, constantly varied. And I’ll be the first to say that the Open got the best of me this year. Disappointment, frustration, sadness - all feelings that lasted the whole stupid month with those five workouts. I tried my best each week, did each WOD twice, worked as hard as my body physically could, and yet.. Nope, not good enough. Those old feelings coming back to haunt me. Uncertainty. I remember walking through the law building one of the weeks, anticipating whatever Castro would reveal the WOD to be that night, and all of a sudden thinking, “NONE OF YOU LAW STUDENTS HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE OPEN EVEN IS.” Then again, I did, in fact, induce those feelings of stress from the uncertainty on myself. I have a tendency to do that.

Before the Open even started, I was uncertain of how it would go. Throughout the month, I saw it bring out the best in some people and the worst in others. But I won’t take the negative path discussing this topic, I’ll point out the positives (a new thing I’m trying here). So as I said, the Open did bring out the best in some people. Scores that were posted by individuals I knew on top of the leaderboard were truly impressive, most of whom are now bound for Regionals. They were scores and times that I know I would never be able to hit. I’m really not exaggerating, they were honestly so impressive. These individuals took the uncertainty they knew the Open would ultimately bring, prepared for it every second they could from last year leading up to this year, and overcame it. Whatever WOD was thrown at them, they rose above it. So to you all who did so, I commend you. And, aside from the Open, no matter what uncertainty Crossfit may throw at you, never, ever give up.

Your next shot doesn’t remember your last shot.

One month. One more month until my golf qualifiers start. How do I continue to prepare between now and then? Be ready for the uncertainty of what you cannot control, and be confident about aspects of the game that you can control. Golf is full of uncertainty. In any given tournament, you can’t control where the officials decide to set the pins, what yardage the course will play, what the weather will be like, what the wind will do once you hit the ball, what the strength of the playing field will be like. But what you can do is overcome these obstacles - accept them, and overcome them. Avoid excuses, I hate people who make excuses, and play to whatever strengths you have on that particular day. Golf is a sport where there will be days where every aspect of your game will click – your putts will fall, bounces will be in your favor, your drives will be long and straight, your approach shots will be like lasers at the pins. It is uncertain when those days for you will be, but between us, I sure hope I’ve got some of those coming up next month when these qualifiers start again. And I wish all you golfers that read this the best of luck that you have some of those days soon too. It’s what makes this crazy game worth coming back to for more.

You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

I’ll make this entry relatively shorter than my usual ones (also because, unfortunately, I still do have studying ahead of me). And since I haven’t discussed Detroit yet, it’s about that time. Detroit’s future is uncertain, simple as that. The city itself is making changes, I also won’t deny that; but, it will still be a matter of time until the D can redefine itself. The outcome of these positive movements people are making towards bettering Detroit remains uncertain at this point in time, yet all that we can do is keep moving forward. And, alas, that’s all we can often do in life as well. Just keep moving forward.

I’ll tie religion into this a bit as well. My wonderful friend Marie has told me that all God wants is for you to be the best version of yourself. The decisions we make amidst the unknown should always be based on what will make you a better person, a better version of who you once were. Surround yourself with people who make you better, while also making them better along the way. And with a life that is constantly full of uncertainties, that is all we can do. We may never know the answer to questions we ask. Why did this happen, why did I fail, why did this not work out, why did this friendship or relationship fall apart, why didn’t I make it, why didn’t I get the job, why did I get rejected? Which leads me back to a quote I used before – LET LIFE HAPPEN.

Trust is a huge factor in handling the never-ending uncertainty. So trust that, in the long run, what may trouble you now will work itself out in the future. Trust and faith can be sources of serenity to alleviate the anxiety that uncertainty can bring. And that is what I continue to try and do. So to lighten this up a bit, if there was ever something that will always be certain, it’s that my Red Wings make the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And here my boys are again – 23 years in a row. So bring home that Cup Detroit, it belongs back with us. And that, my friends, I have always been certain about.

Disappear in the D

This post came out of nowhere. I decided a couple weeks ago that I was fed up with the polar vortex sub-zero temperatures and blizzards stopping me from hitting golf balls and hindering me from my weight-vested runs. So I grabbed every piece of Under Armour I own, pulled the old running shoes out before the WOD, and this topic came to mind. Maybe it was the time by myself on my run, maybe it was hearing nothing but my music, or maybe it was just because I was practically frozen at the end of it, but here goes nothing…

Disappearance.  To just be able to slip away, sneak off somewhere, to get rid of all the stress, all the obligations, the responsibilities, the to-do lists, the early alarms, the late working nights, the worries, the anxieties, the doubts, the harshness of reality, all of it, and to just disappear – seems so nice on some days.  In a way, Detroit disappeared for a while, sunk into its own demise of bankruptcy, blight, and the like. But slowly the city is coming out of those shadows… but yet, only after disappearing. So here I am again, relating this topic of disappearance to Detroit and, of course, all of my other usual topics that are important to me.

We live in moments where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.

The year before I began law school I decided to put together quite a lengthy photo album of Detroit. It essentially highlighted the good and bad parts of the city. The section of the book that shows the rougher areas illustrates how easy it is to disappear in a city such as ours. Our “urban wasteland” feel makes it simple to sneak away, to slip through the cracks and not be seen; and yet, those were the sections I thought gave our city the most character. What potential hides within those graffiti-filled alleyways, those abandoned buildings? What used to be of those now empty businesses, the homes left to ruin? What stories are left untold, the stories that disappeared with the fall of once-vibrant Detroit? Everyone has their own “story” in life, just like Detroit. You can pick any person out of a crowd and I guarantee they have one to tell. So that idea made me think, what was Detroit’s? But over time, those stories can disappear too, only the memories of which remain, and even those can fade over time as well.

Light in a Dark City is what I titled the book I compiled. Why? Because, when I had decided to create the album, this idea of “light” in the city that you can so easily disappear in was what I searched for, and still search for, in Detroit. So if you find yourself wanting to disappear, take a moment and find glimmers of light in your life, no matter how small, for things may seem less dark than what they originally appeared. Then you can realize that disappearing is not the path to choose. And hopefully Detroit steers clear of that path as well, redefining its strength as a city from its past disappearance.

With every setback comes a chance to come back and rise - a chance to hold nothing back.

We have now officially begun the 2014 Crossfit Open, scores for 14.1 already to be submitted this evening. I imagine that people who are new to this are excited and nervous for their first experience doing the Open. Those who have put endless amounts of time, effort, dedication, and hard work over the past year are anticipating the release of the WODs, and the chance to prove they have what it takes to really make a statement this year. And me, well, I have to admit that some days, the thought of it makes me want to disappear. I’ve tried to say to myself “its just a workout” or “you’re not built like those other girls” or “you fill your life with too much else as it is, ” but in reality, I look at those as excuses. I hate feeling like a failure, feeling inadequate at things, no matter what it is. I hate hearing the excuses of how I’m smaller or I’m still injured or I have a lot going on or whatever else. So at those times, I want to disappear.

I’ve never been that way though. And so I keep at it, trying everyday to push those excuses and those negative voices in my head aside, improve as best I can, just like everyone else, and have fun with it. And not disappear. Why do I do the Open? I’m no Regionals-level athlete, the girls these days could probably one-arm snatch my gangly self. I do it for my Tribe, for Spartan. I do it in that chance that I can help our team. 7 min of max strict muscle-ups? Mmm, no, doubtful. Kettlebell run for time? Absolutely not. But a girl can dream. The Open is a chance to prove to yourself what you can do, how hard you can push yourself, and how far you’ve come. It isn’t a time to hide away, to act invisible, as I’m guilty of doing before. It’s a chance to attack the WODs each week like it’s the last thing you will ever do. So I wish everyone the best of luck. Embrace the pain, and cherish the support that comes with it, because nothing is better than the atmosphere of Open WOD Sundays at Spartan. And don’t go disappearing. Believe that you’ll be better than you were yesterday, and not as good as you will be tomorrow. And I’ll try to do the same.

“You’ve got a choice. You can stop, or you can start - walking right back to where you’ve always been, stand there still, and remember. It was just a moment ago. Time for you to come out of the shadows, time for you to choose. But you ain’t alone, I’m right here with ya. Now play the game, your game, the one that only you were meant to play, the one that was given to you when you came into this world.”

That quote is from one of my all-time favorite movies, The Legend of Bagger Vance, and I could watch that every night on repeat. Disappearing doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. Golf. My game that can’t be won, only played. When I go to the driving range, I go to disappear from the world for an hour, for two hours, for 5 hours, for however long I’m able to be there for. For that length of time, everything else goes away. This sport has always been the one thing that could truly block out everything else going on in my life. Peacefulness amidst constant chaos. Freedom. This game to me is a gift.

If you don’t have a passion for golf it’s difficult to explain what it’s like to be on the starting hole at a tournament, to have your name announced as you approach the tee. Even now, as my name and where I’m from is said, “next on the tee from Detroit, Michigan..” and spectators clap, then the world all of a sudden goes silent and all you see is the fairway ahead of you. I’m a different person in competition than in anything else I do in my life. Some have said when they play their best rounds its similar to sleep-walking while being awake; you’re relaxed, in a trance of some sort, yet full of adrenaline. It’s things like this that make the game so difficult to truly explain. And this is just one of the many reasons why I’ll never be able to give it up. And why I continue to use it as my chance to disappear. And you know what, even when I’m in the hell known as Bar Exam prep, you can still expect to find me disappearing at the range and still playing in my USGA tournaments. And, with that, I’ll cut off my golf nerd talk for now. But seriously everyone, it’s the greatest game there is.

I will never disappear, for forever I’ll be here, whispering,

Morning keep the streets empty for me.

Down by 5. Less than 30 seconds to go in the 4^th quarter. The #3 ranked team in the state playing the #1 ranked team in the state. Mercy makes the greatest comeback I’ve ever seen in basketball to win the Catholic League Championship by 1 at the buzzer. “Never give up.”

As I’ve written before, this is my 4^th year coaching at Mercy. And with this is another chance to disappear. How, may you ask, can a COACH disappear?? Seems a bit like a poor method to be a part of a team.. Well, I disappear in the sense that no one ever knows what part of the state I’m in!  Oh I’m in Lansing, then I’m in Farmington Hills, then I’m in Ann Arbor, then I’m in Flint. People just never know where to find me. To most, if not all, the nearly 500 miles I drive each week while in-season sounds absurd. And, I’ll admit that, ok yes, it is. But it has been more than worth it. The girls I coached at each of the three levels, Freshmen, JV, and Varsity, their supportive families, the outstanding coaching staff and Mercy’s top notch athletic department make it all worth it. Hitting the road to drive to the girls’ practices and games is a “disappearing” I embrace each time. I received a message from one of the parents this year that epitomized why I do this – that her daughter always says to her that she wants to play her best in every game so she can make me proud. Coaches live to hear things like this. Our Mercy basketball family is truly something special. I was proud of being a part of it during high school, and even prouder now as one of the coaches. And as we continue our journey to the state championship, I’ll continue to disappear on the road, only to get to the games and watch the girls do everything but disappear – to show that, you know what, we are the best.

That question, so sad, recurring – what good amid these, oh me, oh life?

That you are here – that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

I thought that this excerpt from Walt Whitman’s poem was a fitting quote to end with – that in life, we all have the ability to make our own impacts, both on our own life experiences and also in the lives of others, to use his words, “contribute a verse.” If you disappear, as I’ve written about today, then those opportunities disappear along with you. Whether you like it or not, life will continue to go on. You never know what positive effects you can have on others, how much even the smallest of acts can touch someone else’s day, week, year, or even entire life. So to everyone reading yet another one of my rants, embrace all the twists and turns life has to offer, don’t chose the path of disappearance. Live passionately, and not in the shadows. And take a trip down to my city sometime to see how it’s beginning to re-emerge as well. Keep on hustlin’ harder, Detroiters.

Started from the Bottom in the D

I hope the title made you start singing that Drake song. Well, now we’re here. As opposed to how I’ve named all of my other posts, I couldn’t think of one word to describe this topic’s relation to Detroit, so instead, I chose a phrase – Started from the Bottom. If any of you try to tell me you haven’t had to do this in one way or another in your lives, I’d tell you you’re probably lying to me. So here it is, the post I finally found time to finish, written in bits and pieces over the last few months, appropriately related to the end of one year, and the beginning of this new one.

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished… yet that, that will be the beginning.

$18.5 billion in debt. 2/3 of residents moving out over the last 60 years. Government corruption. Poverty. Crime. An urban wasteland. These are all ways in which one can describe aspects of Detroit. Yes, I have always been an advocate of promoting the positives of downtown, yet you cannot ignore the broken parts of our city too. A few months ago, Detroit declared bankruptcy, and not only your average everyday declaration of bankruptcy, but the largest filing for bankruptcy in the history of this country. Start from the bottom? Try starting from ROCK bottom. This was a point where our city was forced to stop, take a step back, look at what it had become, and start anew, to fix what had spiraled downward out of control.

After things are a certain way for so long, you start to think that they are normal…

Recently 60 Minutes did a story on Detroit. They pointed out the little things that our city lacks that most other major metropolitan cities may not even think twice about not having – functioning street lights, police forces that are able to promptly respond to 911 calls, a working fire engine hose, a safe place for children to go outside for recess during school. Sometimes it takes outsiders to pull you aside and say, “No, these things aren’t normal!” After 50 years of the city moving backward, it became a question of whether the city will ever move forward or if it is ultimately stuck here at the bottom. Can Detroit and the people in it build up from the bottom and redefine themselves as something new?

Well, I believe we already have. You see so much in the news or articles related to our city and the positives going on throughout it. People are almost obsessed with taking pictures or writing about (yes, I’m included in this group) the deserted parts of the city, intrigued by what the city once was, and with what it could become. The atmosphere and energy in Detroit are contagious – an odd sort of love for a broken city, an anxiousness to tap into its potential and see what it can truly be rebuilt as.

I recently ventured down to Comerica Park to watch the Wings-Toronto outdoor alumni game doubleheader. The Grind Line, #19, the Perfect Human, the Russian Five, all hockey legends I grew up watching along with the ones immortalized in the rafters above in Joe Louis Arena – like Mr. Gordie Howe and Ted Lindsay just to name a couple. Besides feeding my inner hockey nerd with the legendary lineup, this entire event was great for our city. I also expect that a vast number of those visiting Michigan for the Winter Classic (which was, hands down, one of the coolest hockey experiences I’ve ever had, walking into the snowy Big House full of 106,000 crazy hockey fans) ventured down to our great city. So besides bringing in revenue (we need to make money too people), these events brought everyone downtown to see how much fun Detroit can be – and allowed them to catch that “contagious” attitude to do good for Detroit.

Detroit has many positives on its horizon. A new mayor with his Transition Detroit plan. All of the work the Illitch family does for the city’s sports teams. All of Dan Gilbert’s work on purchasing and developing the buildings downtown. The publicity that visiting celebs give our city. And so much more. Detroit may be starting from the bottom, but it has a brighter future ahead.

And in the end, all we are left with is a sense of hope – hope that it was all worth it.

Going with my traditional style of blogging, I have to make some comments about golf, Crossfit, coaching, law school, and life in general; it wouldn’t be a complete post if I didn’t.

Golf. Oh golf.. This last summer I competed in my usual USGA national qualifiers. One of the biggest challenges with this game is all on a mental level. When you compete in higher caliber tournaments, you really begin to see how important this part of the game is. My dear friend Jaime even came to caddy for me once, and the first thing she says, never being at a golf tournament at this level, “IT IS SO QUIET OUT HERE, how do you stay calm and focused??” Yes, my tournaments are typically borderline silent, a weird sort of peacefulness around the course that is not peaceful at all, but full of golfers pining for that qualifying spot. And, well, funny story, that’s what I struggled with – the “you’ll never be good enough” voices that seem so loud amidst the quiet. But I still competed, forcing myself to focus on my game, this game that can’t be won, only played. And in all three national qualifiers, I placed as the alternate. Not once, not twice, but all three times. One stroke. Every single qualifier. ONE SINGLE STROKE. Good enough to get on the website, to get my name on the USGA players list, to be on their list to call immediately upon an opening in the national championships. And yet, I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t get any calls. I prepared leading up to the tournaments as if I was going, making hotel reservations, ready to book last minute flights out to the sites around the country, constantly checking my phone. It was a golf season of constant anxiety and frustration, hoping for something to work out, but it never did.

Start from the Bottom. I put my clubs away for a while after that last qualifier, making it to the last two players in a 7-person sudden death playoff and then losing on a ruling call by one of the officials. To say I was furious after that tournament, after that entire summer, would be an understatement. Now, a few months have passed and I’ve begun my practice regimen again. And come this summer, amidst the absolute hell known as preparing for the bar exam, I will compete again. Just can't give it up. And maybe, just maybe, I'll knock that one stroke off my scores.

And from the darkness comes glimmers of hope, small at first, yet growing with time.

Crossfit. Where do I even start with this topic.. It seems like everyone is “chugging the Crossfit koolaid” these days. The small box atmosphere I started with seems dead, and the “you’ll never be good enough” voices have been louder than ever. They’ve quieted down lately, but this came with a drastic change in my outlook towards what is, when you really look at it, a workout and nothing more. Yes, you can make it more than that; you can make any sport or activity more than what it is. I’ve done that with golf. And if you have that freedom and talent to do so, I commend you. I really do. Focus on your strengths, but I realized Crossfit is not mine. For so long, I hadn't truly been doing this for myself. I probably won’t ever be able to back squat absurd weight with my long gangly legs or split jerk anything crazy because my baby wrists may shatter. I’ve done this for nearly two years, and it has been an exhausting roller coaster ride most of the time.

Don't everyone get all butthurt now, I still love doing this. And I’ve always been competitive; I’ve prided myself on never settling, on always expecting a lot from myself. However, recently I had to step back and change my entire outlook on Crossfit. I don't really view myself as what you would call a “Regionals level” athlete, and trying to keep up with some of the weights these girls throw around was eating away at me. So instead, I help others where I can. I’ve come a long way from where I started a couple years ago, so now it is important that I give back. A small piece of advice to new athletes or encouragement to our better athletes, or ‘dads’ as I like to call them at Spartan, can sometimes make all the difference. My next blog post will be fully dedicated to my goodbye to Spartan because it has been such a big part of my life, so I’ll leave my more in depth discussion for that. So for now, I start from the bottom. I go to Spartan for the people, for the laughs with Michael, for my life-chats and joking around with Jaime, for spending time with my girls, for watching Dads lift heavy Dad weight, and for the family I found up in Lansing. Oh yeah, occasionally I workout too.

To whom much is given, much is expected.

This is my fourth year coaching basketball at good old Mercy High. Just as I said with Crossfit, you have to give back. All you were given, all you’ve been taught, all that coaches have given you, all of your happy memories, your experiences you’ll never forget - even if it is in small ways, you need to give back. And so I coach. My four years at Mercy were some of my best. My closest friends today are my closest friends from high school. Yes, I commute to Farmington Hills from East Lansing 4 times a week. Yes, the driving to some sounds absurd amidst everything else in my schedule. But my girls have always been worth it. Whether it’s a big win or the hugs hello from the team or the girls complimenting my outfits I wear for our games, it’s impossible not to smile. So where does “Start from the Bottom” come into play? Well, I’ve been blessed with quite the powerhouse teams the past three years. But sometimes, you have to work harder… Nothing truly worth having ever comes easily.

My girls this year are an energetic bunch. Energetic, but also a team that must work hard if they want to succeed. I had to talk with my Jaime at the beginning of a very different season from last year, whose husband runs Grand Ledge’s basketball program, on turning into a “mean” coach. There it was. Start from the Bottom. I hadn’t really had to do this in the past, but sometimes, you need to be yelled at. Repeatedly. Sometimes you need to run more. Sometimes you need to not get playing time because we play to win. Oh, you’re sad about not getting playing time? TOUGH. Work harder and get better. Yes, I have this side, but I still joke around with the girls too. That’s where the memories are made - the hard work, the success, but also the comradery. So always remember to give back. I remind the girls to cherish their time at Mercy, the four years fly by. I likewise tell anyone going on to play basketball in college, or any collegiate sport for that matter, to cherish your four years there, the NCAA only gives you that many. Make the most of the time you’re given; don’t waste it because when it’s gone, it’s gone. And then, sometimes, you start from the bottom again.

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

Oh law school. I’m done in 4 months. The “Fake Law Student” is done in 4 months (apart from the small thing known as the bar exam, of course). Where this time went, I cannot tell you. In less than a year, real life can begin. And, contrary to everything I pictured at the end of my time in EL, it probably will not be in Michigan.

Start from the Bottom. You can’t plan things in life. Sure, you can set them out perfectly in your head, the job, the relationship, the life you imagine as "perfect," but usually then the joke’s on you. I’ve come to find, for me at least, expectations hardly match up to reality. But that’s what we all have to embrace, that we never know what will happen today, tomorrow, in a month, in a year. I’ll come back to Michigan, but for now, its time for a new start in a new city.

Sometimes the most difficult lessons, the hardest challenges, hold the greatest gems of light.

You’re awfully quiet. You aren’t saying much. You look disinterested in life. You look unrecognizably unhappy. Your head is always down. You don’t seem yourself lately. You don’t smile much. You don’t seem like you care anymore. You aren’t the person I used to know.

All of these comments had been said to me over the last 6 months or so by family and friends, and even my old bosses; and I won’t say that any of them were untrue. I allowed that same sense of spiraling downward that our city had experienced to hit me. I went along everyday, avoiding interaction with people at work, overloading my schedule with two legal jobs, giving golf lessons, coaching basketball, law school classes, golf, Crossfit, traveling, doing anything and everything I could to fill some sort of void in my life. I trusted no one. I was bitter and cynical. I expected to be let down. I diminished the good and exemplified the bad. Why look forward to anything when you’d only be disappointed. So at some point, right before my sweet Marie’s wedding in late December, which I was blessed to be standing up in, I was fed up. Enough was enough. Start from the Bottom.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.

You hit points in life where you realize you need to change, that you are done with how you react, with who you’ve become, or with your general outlook on things. For me, I had had enough of 2013. I wanted a newer and brighter outlook on things to come. The hope that the future holds something better than what a darker past year held. So for all of you, rather than forming some sort of stupid “I want to lose 3 pounds” resolution, come up with ways to become a better person. Expect more of yourself and less of others. Look to the positives, don’t focus on the negatives. Be thankful for the many things you have, not on those you don’t. Be appreciative. Be sincere. Be humble. Be giving. Be truthful. And above all else, just smile. This is getting a bit away from Detroit, but Detroit has a brighter future in 2014 as well. A city with a resolution to be a better place in the new year.

Detroit isn’t just a national treasure, it IS America. And wherever you may live, you wouldn’t be there and wouldn’t be who you are in the same way – without Detroit.

So I raise my coffee cup now, which was formerly a bottle of champagne, to all of you. 2013 – thank you for the lessons. 2014 – let's go. May you all have a blessed 2014 full of laughter and fun, and most importantly, many trips to the one and only Detroit city. 

Change in the D

Change, even change we at first perceive to be negative, brings opportunity. The challenge is to see beyond the heartache and grasp the opportunity.

I’ve used this quote before but it seems best for this new blog entry - Change in the D. I originally started writing this back in late April, then put it aside with no intention of even finishing it, just writing to write. For a number of reasons, I decided to revisit and finish what I wrote. So here it is, my rant about Change, and the good and bad sides of it, relating to my usual topics of Detroit, golf, crossfit, and, of course, life in general.

Detroit is known for the resilience of its people…[it] is still the symbol of a fighting-back city. And I believe it’s going to come back.

Well, I might as well start this off with change happening within our city. This first quote was from a recent article discussing where Detroit will go with its new development plan. Kevyn Orr, our new emergency city manager, recognizes the daunting task on his hands. With Detroit billions upon billions of dollars in debt, it’s no easy feat. Yet you can look around and see all of the opportunities that can come with change. The vacant lots he plans on clearing can be used for new parks, new lofts, or new businesses. So do your part in seeing these changes by making trips downtown. Speaking as someone who loves planning fun activities in Detroit, I promise you won’t be disappointed. But these plans to improve the city will not happen overnight, nor will they happen while Orr remains the emergency manager. The change to Detroit will continue for years to come. No, it will not ever be the Detroit it used to be, just as with so many things in life. But we can all work at making changes to Detroit ones for the better, to redefine the city that fell as something bigger and brighter.

Detroit is dying. But it has a chance - slim, perhaps, yet within our grasp - to live.

I won’t relate this quote to just Detroit. Everyone goes through rough patches in life, times of change where this quote can be very relatable. For me, it epitomized how I had felt for a couple months or so, grasping onto any small semblance of happiness I could find. Change continued to kick me into the ground, and when I’d try to get up, it would kick me right back down again, each time harder than the last. Throw that in the middle of five law school finals (which I will NEVER do again), and you’ve got an image of the hot mess I had become. I let myself continue to spiral down, hoping I’d eventually hit the bottom.

But Detroit can change its story – a possible brighter future, albeit a challenging one, for the Motor City. And perhaps Detroit cannot get better until it hits rock bottom, but then the city will have no place to go but up.

There come times where we can get wound up in things, whether it’s a job, a class, a sport, a person, training, coaching, competitions, projects, anything really. We get so caught up that we can lose focus on what is really important, who is really important, and what we really want. I remember finishing a run a few weeks ago when it hit me that I had lost all focus on what I used to want in my life, what I used to work so hard for. I sat alone outside of my crossfit box on one of our tires and tried to remember what it was I used to want. The list began with pretty general things, and then continued to grow. What was it that I wanted? I wanted to eventually work in Detroit, to do something good for my city. I wanted to qualify for my USGA National Golf Championships again. I wanted to become a faster, stronger Crossfitter, and a positive influence to others at Spartan. I wanted to continue to be a coach that my high school basketball girls look up to, that they go to for advice, or for a laugh and a hug. I wanted the kids I give golf lessons to to have that bright smile on their face when they hit the ball, to find their own love for the game that I love. I wanted to always be a good friend, to be someone people can turn to, someone they can trust. And then the one thing I really wanted more than anything hit me… at that moment, sitting on my old tire, I wanted nothing more than to make it thru a whole week, no, a whole day, without thinking I have nothing to offer.

A better future awaits Detroit if those of us who call the city home make the right choices.

I have a wonderful friend from Spartan that I run with and talk with all the time. She has told me before that if you find yourself feeling sad, it is because you are thinking of the past, and if you feel anxious, you’re worried about the future. So no matter what changes you may come to face in your life, live in the moment. Recognize the good things going on during the present; recognize them and be thankful for them. Find happiness in even the smallest of things each and every day. Change is inevitable, but it’s how we approach it that ultimately defines our attitude in our lives.

Yet we have a ribbon of hope. Our city is never going to be what it was, but what we have is a time for change. It is a time to come together to take advantage of each and every opportunity.

On a lighter topic, there was a group from the D that faced a great deal of change recently. Of course I’m talking about my Red Wings. With their Perfect Human gone, the team needed to adjust to change. We struggled a bit in the season, many doubting if we’d make the playoffs with so much change to our reliable hockey team. But our new captain was not going to see our flawless playoff appearance streak break on his watch. The Wings overcame the changes they faced, the young players began to adjust to this new level of play. And then we proved so many wrong and made the playoffs. Change?!? Our Wings took the change they had to face, pulled a Datsyuk-ian deke around it, and beat it back with a hockey stick and a Kronner check to the boards – an example for all of us to follow. So with that, I’m calling us bringing the Cup home next year.

Discipline is very simply remembering what you want; discipline yourself to whatever path you must take to achieve your goals, and make the conscious choice to stick with that path each and every day, no matter what changes you may face.

Crossfit crossfit crossfit. Yup, there’s change with this too. Recently, my coach at Spartan posted videos from our old box to show to someone who had never seen them, never seen where SCF started. That day I watched all of the ones that our coach, Pat, made. And so much has changed since then. I didn’t recognize myself in some parts. All of the OGs, as we call them, have improved so much – a visible example of change. Change in their ability to do so much more, whether being able to lift heavier, do more sets of movements unbroken in the WODs, or now having handstand pushups or butterfly pullups on lockdown. For whatever reason, I thought back to the day I got my first strict muscle-up. It was Valentine’s Day. And I hate Valentine’s Day. But this change, finally getting the stupid thing, everyone there cheering me on when I got it, first girl at Spartan to do so, was a change I appreciated. That same night I was with an old friend discussing the upcoming Crossfit Open. I remember lying awake thinking of how much had changed since the previous year. Back then I didn’t even know what the Open was, and now I was signed up for it. Sometimes it takes looking back to where you started in order to appreciate the changes that you’ve accomplished. For some who start at the bottom, looking at accomplishments because of change can then be that much sweeter (my tall, lanky, non-gymnastics, ‘stay as calm as possible no matter what’ competitive golf mindset appreciates this).

The things that last, they carry on,

Some flicker fast and then they’re gone

The way I used to approach crossfit when I started last year at the old box is also different now in this new box we’ve moved to, another change. People have come and gone, and the memories from the old box will remain there with our graffitied wall that can still be seen through the dark windows. Crossfit is what you make of it. And no matter what changes you face, you should always continue to do it for you, to prove to yourself what you can accomplish.

You have to believe that something different can happen,

He who says he can and he who says he can’t are both usually right.

And now onto the next usual topic: Golf. This sport, as dumb as it is, is full of CONSTANT change. Change in weather conditions, change in the type of course, the pin placements, the yardage, the strength of the playing field, even change in what aspects of your game are working on any given day of competition, and what aspects are not. I’ve also come to see a change in the talent at my qualifiers, a much higher level of skill to compete against. But I’ve never let changes related to golf knock me down. Change is an obstacle to overcome. And you can relate this to anything you truly love doing - waste no time amidst mediocrity. Be better than everyone else. Compete against the best. And win against the best. When you succeed, the feelings of happiness are that much greater. And even though when you fail, the feelings of disappointment are that much greater also, this shows your true passion and can make you want to succeed even more. In golf, there is a great deal of importance placed on the speed of your club at impact with the ball. For that split second, you give that shot everything you’ve got. And well, guess what, you can do that in everything else in life – jobs, relationships, school, competitions. Change should not hinder what you want; it is something you must rise above.

If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. If you are thankful for what you do have, you will end up having even more. Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold; happiness dwells in the soul.

I have to give credit to a friend of mine, she originally posted this quote and it was too good to pass up. Before I started writing this, I re-read the blog entry I wrote a year ago on Acceptance in the D, right after my first year of law school was done. Now, a little over a year later, so much is different, some of what I wrote still being true, and some of what I wrote taking a 180-degree turn. So there I saw it again - Change. Now what should this new rant of mine leave you with, amidst so much change that will continue to happen in your life?

Appreciate what you have while you have it. Appreciate who you have while they’re in your life. Appreciate your accomplishments. Appreciate even the smallest of gestures of kindness from others. Return those gestures of kindness with your own. Go out of your way to do nice things for others. I know its been said before, but change can sneak up on you and what you once had that you didn’t fully appreciate could be gone in an instant. And adjusting to that change can sometimes be a daunting task, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Never take advantage of what you have in your life; and yet, at the same time, always be open to change. Detroit, I look forward to whatever changes you will see in the years to come. And, taken from a shirt I recently purchased, you either love Detroit…or you’re wrong.